What does it all mean? The term Oppositional Defiant Disorder is heard more regularly these days.
What is it exactly? A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behaviour lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present:
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often loses temper often argues with adults
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often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults’ requests or rules
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often deliberately annoys people
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often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehaviour
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is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
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is often angry and resentful
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is often spiteful or vindictive
Now before you come to the swift conclusion that this is your child to a “T”, be sensible and get a referral from your GP to a clinical psychologist. I say see the GP first so that you make sure you rule out anything physical that may be impacting on the child and causing stress.
The key to dealing with these young people is to set limits with love. It sounds so cheesy and soft but it’s the toughest thing for a parent to do because it involves consistency and vigilance.
Here a few basic tips:
Offer two acceptable choices…..
The aim is for the O.D.D. child to feel that he is in control. Try to ensure that you are happy with either choice.
A choice between something you want (eg job that he needs to do) and a consequence (eg no play) is not a fair choice in the eyes of the child. For the strategy to work, both options must be acceptable to the child. eg before dinner you’ll need to get one of these two things done, which would you like to do?
The consequence comes into play if the child refuses to choose either option
Use “you are in control” terminology eg well it seems you’re choosing to miss out on TV tonight, is that what you want?
O.D.D. kids want to make sure no one is telling them what to do.
“It’s up to you what happens next” is the kind of language to use. Encourage the awareness that if they don’t make a choice there will be a consequence. Show them good social skills and avoid the temptation to yell or display anger.
In times of conflict
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Walk away for a definite time to a definite place
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Limit debates
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Avoid standoffs
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Use tactical ignoring
With many of the disturbed youngsters I meet in my work it’s not so much a matter of won’t behave it’s a matter of can’t behave! There has simply been no modeling of socially appropriate behaviour in their young lives.
One kindergarten boy I worked with recently used to approach other students and hit them in a bid to make social contact. He had a limited vocabulary but was reasonably fluent in four letter words.
Good luck!
